How To Talk About Cannabis With Friends and Family

Margaret 00:00:06 What happens when you take a love of food, a passion for culture, and a deep knowledge of cannabis and you toss them all into one bowl, you get. Bite me, the podcast that explores the intersection of food, culture, science and cannabis and helps cooks make great edibles at home. I am your host, Margaret, a certified Ganjier Tsai Certified Cannabis Educator, and I believe your kitchen is the best dispensary you'll ever have. Together, we'll explore the stories, the science, and the sheer joy of making safe, effective, and unforgettable edibles at home. So pre-heat your oven and get ready for a great episode. Let's dive in, shall we? Friends, before we get into today's topic, which is episode 344, talking to the non consumers in your life, be it friends or family. And there's a reason that this has come up recently as a topic for me and I'm sure that many of you have had to have some of these conversations or expect to have some of these conversations in the near future.

Margaret 00:01:05 But before we get into the subject matter of today, I just want to say thank you for being here. If you're tuning in for the very first time, I hope you find this conversation helpful. And if you've been with us for a while, thank you for your support. I really do appreciate you on. The second hand. Hi! How to talk to non consuming family members and friends about your cannabis and edibles practice. So obviously I've been consuming cannabis for many years as I'm sure that some of you have been as well. I know that there's some of you to whom this is a newer practice, but it's still relatable, I'm sure, because whether you've been consuming forever or this is a new thing, when people in your circle discover that you are a cannabis consumer, they may be a little surprised. And this does come about because I recently recorded an episode with for the podcast on actually with Sasha, the executive director of Realm of Caring, and they support patients who are looking to explore cannabinoid therapies for medical purposes.

Margaret 00:02:14 And oftentimes that's going to lead to people needing to have conversations with their family members about how they're using cannabis and why they're using cannabis. And I'm sure sometimes those are really emotionally charged conversations, because you're also dealing with the potential impact of a medical condition for which you're using the cannabis for. So you have the double whammy in that sense of a medical condition that needs some kind of treatment. And then having that conversation with the family member as well about your cannabis use as a safe option for yourself. And you may have people in your life that are not so open minded About cannabis, and we'll touch on that of course, in a little bit. Now, personally, this also strikes home because if you listen to an episode a few episodes ago, I told the story of how my dad accidentally consumed an infused piece of cake that had been sitting in the freezer for a little bit, and I had had my eye on to, of course. And of course, my dad is aware that I make edibles and that I.

Margaret 00:03:22 I grow cannabis and all these things. I, I don't know, sometimes if he's aware of how involved in the cannabis space that I am. He is 94, but I had to have that uncomfortable conversation with him about the fact that he had consumed something. He was going to have some unexpected results from eating this. And so that was a bridge to talking about cannabis as well. And of course, my dad, after he was diagnosed with lung cancer, has been consuming CBD and CBD daily. So we've had these conversations as well. But the. The accidental consumption of an edible that was too strong for him brought this back to the forefront. So the hardest part isn't finding the right edible. It's finding the right words. In this particular case, you're trying to find a way to build a bridge between yourself and the person that you're having this conversation with. Why is this conversation so hard? I mean, with some people it's easy, but the conversation can still be hard because for some people, when you're talking to them about cannabis, there's still that cultural residue of prohibition.

Margaret 00:04:35 There is, for some of us, that shame that's still baked in, who maybe they feel fine about their own use. But we have been fed these ideas about cannabis for a long time, and sometimes it's surprisingly difficult to shed these ideas, even though we personally don't feel that way. And so having conversations with other people who haven't really explored the propaganda that we are fed or haven't really questioned it or had no reason to because they're not consumers themselves, having these conversations with those people can make it a little more emotionally charged. There's also the asymmetry in the conversation. You have the experience, and the other person doesn't have the experience, but what they may have is fear, misunderstanding, or just questions. But because you have all the knowledge and understanding in the context and they don't, that can also make the conversation more difficult. And of course, just, you know, sitting down with somebody and saying, well, it's totally legal and totally safe. It's never really something that's going to build that bridge that you're looking for, because there's not really a whole lot there for them to grasp onto.

Margaret 00:05:48 Okay. Yeah, it's legal. And you may also be conversing with people where it's not legal, which adds an extra element to that. That's not just the cultural residue of prohibition that's dealing with prohibition as it still exists. And so they may be looking at a totally from the lens of what it's not legal, and therefore maybe you are not safe. So that is a whole other conversation you might be having. And there is the difference between defending your practice and inviting someone into your practice. And I think allowing people to ask questions in a way that doesn't violate your boundaries is one way to start to build that bridge, as long as they're being respectful, of course. So those are some of the reasons why that conversation might be hard to have in the first place. And of course, it really can depend on the person. Like I mentioned earlier, if you're having this conversation with a parent, perhaps that has always been very anti cannabis. That's going to be a very different conversation than the friend that you have that may be curious about cannabis, maybe not necessarily interested in consuming it themselves, but are a little more open minded to the idea that people do consume it for a wide variety of reasons.

Margaret 00:07:10 When you're going into these types of conversations and of course, having them when they are on a plane of you're both ready for the conversation, I think is the best way to approach it. Springing it on somebody when they're not expecting it is probably not going to yield the best results. And so having a framework for identifying who you're actually talking to can really help. When you do have that conversation, for instance, the worried partner, the concerns are typically practical and relational. Is your cannabis use affecting you in a negative way? Could it be affecting us in a negative way? What happens if you're incapacitated. And that might be a fear of them not really understanding how cannabis affects the body, because obviously, being incapacitated by cannabis and being incapacitated by alcohol, for instance, are two very different things, but they may not understand those differences. And this person is probably looking for more reassurance and transparency and not necessarily education. I mean, if you've been spending time with a partner for long enough, they have probably a pretty good idea of what it looks like when you have consumed cannabis.

Margaret 00:08:17 Assuming you have consumed cannabis around them, those practical and relational questions are. What they're probably thinking about most is how it might be affecting your relationship and your communication inside that relationship. Then you have the skeptical parent or in-law or insert other family member here, and their concerns are often rooted in their version Of the drug narrative that they have been fed, and they don't see themselves in the way they see things as being wrong within that framework. And this one can be a little bit trickier because we all know I mean, I remember a lot of the things that I was told about about cannabis as a drug when I was growing up. I remember arguing with my own parents, actually, as a teenager, about how they were wrong to see it the way that they did at that time. It fell on deaf ears, and I probably also didn't have the skills to navigate that conversation in an adult way. I don't blame them at all when they have been told for so long that cannabis is harmful, and that it can lead to a host of other problems.

Margaret 00:09:24 And they haven't really heard because they're in circles where cannabis isn't talked about in terms of medical use, or how it can be so helpful to people or how it's not dangerous, you have to approach them with respect from where they're coming from. It's difficult to get into debates with them because it's difficult to change people's minds, but you can redirect it to your own behavior and not the substance itself. If they can see that cannabis is not leading you to consume heroin in a back alley, or they see how perhaps cannabis is helping your knee pain, your back pain, your tennis elbow, maybe they see how you're able to consume less alcohol because you're able to replace that with a substance that's healthier. You can talk about mindful cannabis use, how you're perhaps consuming the minimum effective dose, whereas you're taking as little as possible to get the effects that you're looking for. Maybe if you're consuming a lot of edibles and not smoking, how that takes that substance that they've heard so much about being bad and taking away a lot of the things that make it a little more harmful, a little riskier.

Margaret 00:10:33 There's a lot of ways to approach it. Telling them that, you know, everything they've heard is a lie and they shouldn't believe it. Likely going to make people more defensive when you're attacking their way of thinking versus saying, hey, I'm a responsible cannabis user. This is what it looks like. It can be consumed responsibly. Let's talk about that. You might also be talking to someone who's a housemate, a co-parent and the what about the kids person. This is the most practical conversation of the three. It's really about safety logistics more than values. And this person does deserve some specifics here, because they want to make sure that their kids are safe. And I know we joke sometimes about, oh, but what about the kids? Because that seems to be the thing that always comes up when it comes to, you know, changing cannabis laws in certain jurisdictions. There is some relevance to that because people who do have kids are concerned. Will they have access to it? Will they be able to get into it? Will they accidentally consume it? Will they be more likely to consume it themselves because it's around? How do you talk to your kids about your consumption? This is where the safety, logistics and openness is really valuable.

Margaret 00:11:41 So it's really important to know your audience. Who is it that you're talking to? Because that's really going to guide how you might have this conversation. You're trying to show them that they don't need to be worried. What does this conversation look like? And here's some suggestions that you can do when you're going to have one of these trickier conversations. Here are a few things to keep in mind. Pick your moment. Probably not when you've consumed and not during an unrelated argument. So if you already got some shit going on, this is probably not the time to address your cannabis consumption. So don't have the conversation when you're hungry, angry, lonely, or tired or under the influence. And the next thing is, what do you actually want from the conversation? Are you looking for validation? Are you looking for permission? Just transparency. I think that is a really good way to sort of know how to go into this conversation by knowing what you want to get out of it, because if you really don't have any idea, then maybe it's best to wait on having that conversation than just plowing ahead and not really sure what you want to get out of it, and then finally decide what's genuinely up for negotiation and what isn't.

Margaret 00:12:52 Now, when you're opening the conversation, you want to lead with relationship, not justification. And that can sound something like, I want to be honest with you about something because I value how we communicate or something to that effect that basically says, you want to have an open and honest conversation with them because you value them as being a part of your life, and you want to be able to have these types of conversations with people that you care about, people that are in your inner circle, and yet you want to avoid the defensive crouch. You don't want to argue against objections that they haven't even raised, because maybe for them they're not objections. Maybe they'll be far more open minded than you realize. But if you sort of start to pre argue already, You're not really giving them this space to hear what you've said here, what you've brought up and respond. People might surprise you, especially some of those people that you might see as having a more restricted view on cannabis. That might not always be the case.

Margaret 00:13:51 You may have to handle some common reactions, and maybe some of those reactions sound like this. I just don't understand why you need it now. You're not required to justify your need, but you can share what it does for you. I'm worried about you. That might be something else that you'll hear. And you can receive this with grace because it's about love, even if it sounds a little bit clumsy. And sometimes that worry comes from the perspective that they don't really understand cannabis. It's not necessarily up to you to educate them, per se, but you can let them know that you've heard them. And sometimes people just want to be heard. They might ask, what if something goes wrong? Well, this is solvable, practical, and you can address it directly. What if something goes wrong? What happens if I consume an edible and I get too high? Here are the things that I can do to help mitigate that. Here's what happens when that does happen. And this is actually kind of a great question, because it allows you to also talk about how you're not going to die.

Margaret 00:14:49 You can't over consume and and die like you might with other substances. But again, I don't know if I'd even get into the whole comparison thing because a lot of people don't necessarily respond well to that. We've all we've all smoked a joint, gotten too high. I'm sure most of us have. Have we been consuming for long enough? When I was a kid, we called that Casper Ring. I know it's probably more called greening out now, but this is a little fun fact. When I am. When I say I was a kid, I mean as a teenager, young adult, because at the time you would go, like, really white. I guess you could probably look kind of green too, but you'd go really white and it was like you were Casper the Friendly Ghost. And that is definitely a cultural reference that will only resonate with people who are probably around my age, or even remember who the hell Casper the Friendly Ghost is. So what happens if you do Casper? Well, you're going to feel a little uncomfortable for a bit, but it will pass.

Margaret 00:15:46 Do you want to avoid certain phrases like it's just like a glass of wine. It's got similarity. Sure. For the most part, especially edibles safer than wine. Without the proper context, they can't really understand what it's just like a glass of wine means, because you can drink a glass of wine and feel pretty drunk after. And a lot of people get pretty belligerent after they've had too many glasses of wine. You want to avoid saying things like, you're just being paranoid, because I think that's dismissive and not really allowing them to feel heard or saying things like, I've been doing this for years and nothing bad has ever happened. That doesn't really help because it doesn't put it into any context. And yeah, maybe nothing bad has ever happened yet, but it doesn't mean that it could. So it doesn't really again, help address their concerns or make them feel heard. Now the kids question, how do you handle it without shame? And I think this is a big one because it does bring in a lot of emotional weight, and I think it should be addressed directly and without flinching.

Margaret 00:16:52 You can talk about safe storage and how it's a non-negotiable and non-controversial, locked, clearly labeled for adults and out of reach. And that's not about shame. It's the same logic as a medicine cabinet or storing your alcohol. I do remember when my kids were of a certain age, and I realized we pulled out a frozen bottle of vodka from the freezer because we realized that they had easy access to this alcohol in the freezer were clearly sneaking some of it, so we locked it up. We put it where they couldn't get it any longer. And it's the same with your cannabis, with your edibles, and so safe storage is a non-negotiable. It's just responsible parenting, no matter what substance it is that you're using. Then there's the language question what do you say if a child asks? An age appropriate honesty beats vague secrecy. Kids are better at detecting something being hidden than adults give them credit for. And that applies to so many things. Kids are super perceptive, and if you kind of get a little weird about it, they're going to see that there's something a little weird about it.

Margaret 00:17:58 And then also there is that element of taboo that's introduced, which I find makes them far more curious and more likely to try and get into that stash if they're a certain age, you know, probably more teenagers than younger kids, and invite them to behave in ways that they wouldn't otherwise. If a child of seven is asking about your cannabis use, you can be honest. But in a way that's age appropriate. That conversation you're going to have with a seven year old is going to look very different than the conversation you have with a 17 year old. Then there's the modeling question. What are you actually modeling or demonstrating for your kids? Consuming privately, responsibly with intention is not the same as what they learn to fear in their programs. Just say no campaigns. So if you're consuming responsibly, that's going to look different from person to person. But it's very much the same as consuming alcohol responsibly. And that doesn't even necessarily have to mean consuming privately. Maybe you don't want to be showing it in front of your kids when they're very young, but as they get a little bit older, showing them that you consume cannabis responsibly, how and why you use it can open the door to having really great conversations with your kids.

Margaret 00:19:10 And so it's really good practice to keep the door open so that they can ask questions and feel safe to ask questions. And what some people don't really think about is what happens after the conversation can be just as important as the conversation itself. Don't expect resolution in one talk. This is a relationship and not a debate. And again, this is going to depend on the person that you're having the conversation with. One conversation may not change hearts and minds like we always hope that it will, but also follow through on whatever you said you do. So if that's making sure that your storage options are up to date. If you said you'd be discreet, then follow through with that discretion. However it looks for you and what you've agreed to. Checking in from time to time. That goes a long way to keeping your end of the relationship in good stead. Leave the door open for them to revisit it. When everybody is ready to look at this conversation again, and notice if the conversation shifts the dynamic.

Margaret 00:20:12 Sometimes it brings unexpected relief on both sides. Maybe for you, because you've been able to say, hey, this is a big part of my life. I want to be able to talk to you about it. For them, it's them bringing up things that they were thinking about and doing it in a way where they feel safe and heard, not dismissed, and make you both prepared to have more conversations down the road, even if you don't necessarily see eye to eye. This brings it all back to Bite Me on the show about edibles. Why you might be listening to this show. Because you enjoy cannabis. You love to make edibles. You're looking for inspiration to make edibles. It's a part of your practice. When people are making their own edibles, it often becomes part of their their life because it takes a time to make edibles or to grow cannabis. And so to keep it hidden sometimes feels a little unfair. And for those of you who are listening from a place where it's not legal, you have that added layer of the fact where you have to be very careful about who you share this with, but the goal isn't to be getting permission from everyone around you.

Margaret 00:21:12 It's living without compartmentalization, and it can take some real conversation skills, which I think we can always improve. And so having these conversations clear, open conversations I think are really important and great practice. You've put some thought into what you consume, how you consume, your growing, going seed to table. And so taking that same thought and how into how you share it with others is part of that. So I'm curious if you've ever had to have a difficult conversation. Tell me how your conversation went. The good, the ugly and the surprisingly sweet. And it's just always interesting to hear other people's stories for how they have these conversations, because some of them can be difficult, depending on who it is that you're speaking with. Now, something I've created for this episode is also a downloadable conversation starter card that hopefully you can find helpful for some of those conversations so you can find that at Bite Me podcast. So my friends, that concludes this episode on the second hand. Hi. How to talk to non consuming family members and friends.

Margaret 00:22:17 I'm your host, Margaret. Until next time, stay curious and stay high.